ONDOY'S FINDS

ONDOY'S FINDS

Sa totoo lang, hindi pa ako tapos magligpit, as in “sort” ng ilang papeles at photos na nabaha ni Ondoy. Pero dahil, ito na ang pinagpasiyahan kong isa sa mga “last priorities”, kaya ngayon ko pa lamang ito naisisingit asikasuhin.

Nakatutuwa. Marami akong nadiskubre sa aking pagbubuklat. Mga fragments o moments o life's sketches na hango sa mga nangyayari sa paligid, na sinulat ko noong araw nang hindi ko pa nahaharap ang pagkatha (gusto ko, ngunit hindi pa handa si Evelyn L. Estrella na magkwento). At naisip ko... bakit di ko ibahagi ang mga ito sa mambabasa ng aking blog?

Pero, sa wikang ingles ito, kaya pasensiya na sa mga mali. Baka absent ako noon sa klase ng aming English and Literature teacher sa high school.

Wala itong pamagat o title. Tulad nang nasabi ko sa simula nito, tinatawag ko itong fragment o moments o life's sketches. 'La lang, sa lenguahe nga ng mga bata ngayon. Wala lang. Gan'on lang. 'Yun lang. Parang kwentong hindi kwento. At ganito ang itatawag ko sa mga ito. Kwentong Hindi Kwento. Mapapansing tinapos ko pa ang mga ito sa mga tulang nabasa sa kung saan-saan noong mga panahong iyon, kinopya, itinabi, at ngayon nga ay "buhay" pang masasabi. Kumbaga ay ito ang mga binhi ng mga isinilang na kwento na nakakita ng liwanag sa pahina ng lingguhang Liwayway, kalaunan.


Kwentong Hindi Kwento No. 1


He just stared at her. For how long, she didn't know. She was too sick to notice.

Too sick, not because of the sleepless nights she had spent in preparing for the board examination; not because of the thought of how she would fare with it, but, because of the thought of how slim her chances were of seeing him again. She would miss him terribly. Oh, if she could only cry it out to him...

For that short moment that their eyes met, she had a funny feeling that he wasn't the man she only came to know in the combined-class review; that he was not a stranger to her. Funny, indeed, if not, puzzling.

It was about the examination that she asked him. A question asked by everybody from anybody. Anybody from everybody. A question asked to appraise one's chance of passing. But, not to her! She had only his welfare in mind when she asked him that question. She didn't know why she felt that way. She really didn't know...

As she gazed into his eyes, she tried to read his answer to her question. And as she tried to read the answer, she forgot the question.

He looked weary. And a desire to comfort him came to her. Just to comfort him. Just to ease the pain. Just...

He was a complete stranger to her. Except for his complete name, his home province, and his birthdate, which were all available at the university's yearbook, she knew no more. And, she should say that of the most vital statistic, she had no way of knowing. That, which made her call him a stranger.

A stranger. He was a stranger. But, that split second that their eyes met changed him from a stranger to a friend. It was something like “piercing the veil of corporate entity” in their corporation law. It was like disregarding things seen by the naked eye. It was looking deeper.

Someone commented on the examination all of them had just taken. She took her eyes away from him and seconded the comment with a naughty remark that brought him to laughter. And, he was relieved.

His laughter was not loud. Not soft either. And definitely not beautiful. But it was more than welcome that moment. It broke down the sickening silence. It lightened her heart.

Then, he left. Stopped. Exchanged words with a group of candidates. She wondered what kept him long...

Her group dispersed. And, his group, too. He looked back.

Their eyes met. Oh, the creeping sadness in his eyes.

He smiled at her. Achingly.

Then, they walked away. Away from each other.

And deep in her heart, she sighed, goodbye, stranger, goodbye.


“Music, when soft voices die,
vibrated in the memory -
Odors, when sweet violets sicken,
live within the sense they quicken,
Rose-leaves, when the rose is dead,
are heaped for the beloved's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
love itself shall slumber on.”

By: Percy Bysshe Shelley


Kwentong Hindi Kwento No. 2


She was carefully going down the stairs when 'the girl' dashed through the entrance of the shop. 'The girl', with her familiar quick movements.

Their eyes met. And, there was something in the expression on 'the girl's' face that amused her. But she kept the amusement to herself.

'The girl' rushed upstairs while she watched her steps with more care.

It was beside the shop's display window where she almost bumped into somebody's arms. A young man's arms.

She looked up to him, a tall and fair young man, to apologize.

It was 'the guy'. Yes! 'The guy'.

'The girl' was right, was justified to look that way. She was wrong to be amused.

Once, somebody asked her if she would never forget that slight misunderstanding they had. If she would never reconcile with him. It was funny how people spoke of reconciliation. They never had a quarrel. Had they?

Everything was done in good faith on his part. She knew he was disappointed when she got mad. But, she was not mad. Even after sending him the letter, she still wanted him to be her friend.

It was too bad she was not feeling well when they met at the canteen. It was too bad she had to snub his friends when they asked her to forget and forgive.

That was the beginning. He was not seen in the dormitory anymore. And his friends, too. Then and there, she knew that it would take them a long time before they speak with each other again. That it would take her a long time before she would recover from her loneliness.

It was only after a year or more that he visited the dormitory again. She was glad to hear that. She only wondered why 'the girl' he was visitng seemed to be interested in her. Of course, 'the girl' knew the slight misunderstanding they had. But that was a thing of the past. Was it haunting her? Haunting him?

She refused to believe. But it really flattered her to learn that 'the girl' spent some thoughts on her. 'The girl' was even heard asking what would their reactions be if she and 'the guy' meet somewhere, sometime.

What would his reactions be?

His smile was spontaneously given. As if they never had a misunderstanding in the past. As if she was his very good friend who had been out of his sight for a long time and, seeing her was an honest to goodness pleasure to him. That was how he smiled. And it swept her off her feet.

And she smiled, too. Sincerely. Sweetly.

She saw he could not move. That he wanted to speak.

She could not move too. She wanted to speak also. But could she tell him everything, every little thing she would love to tell him, when she knew that upstairs, 'the girl' he was visiting was waiting for him?

But she managed to say a few words. Unfortunately, they spoke at the same time. She hardly heard what he said except that “kumusta”. If he heard her, she had no way of knowing. It seemed that the beats of her heart were louder than her voice.

It was evident that both of them wanted to stay with each other longer and speak with each other more, but, the fact that they were bound by the laws of etiquette, made them part. She didn't know where the laws of etiquette came in there. She only knew she should leave and he should go upstairs.

So, they parted. And, she had to go the wrong way first before she recovered from the sweet shock of meeting him.

So, she turned about and proceeded to the right way: Azcarraga's left turn from the shop's door, and NOT, Azcarraga's right turn, from the shop's door.


“How often for some trivial wrong,
In anger we retaliate,
We learned, although it takes us long,
That life is far too brief for hate.”

M. G. Brunner


Kwentong Hindi Kwento No. 3


For a moment, the world stood still.

That was how she felt and it was clearly reflected on her face. How it was reflected, she didn't know. But if she were to read it from his reaction, she would say that the reflection was one of sadness in discovery.

It wasn't much of the things he said that she remembered. It was more of the things he didn't say. Things he couldn't say. Things he wouldn't say.

His reasons were obvious. And he should have not laid them down to her in the form of a conversation piece. He himself would admit that she was too smart for that.

And he should have not bothered himself telling them to her in the first place. Because she knew them beforehand. And telling them to her was like scolding her twice for the same mistake. It just made her feel worst.

She couldn't remember how they came to that subject. Everything was smooth and just delightfully fine when all of a sudden, he broke down and almost spilled the dope, so to speak.

And that moment, she felt so helplessly alone. So achingly lonely.

A great moment! A moment of discovering that something dear, something she longed to have was on hand. Then, it was also the moment of abandoning that precious something. A moment of giving up all hopes and all dreams, for her. And, for him, too. Dreams he could have had with her which he preferred not to, after a very careful deliberation.

She understood what he did. And why he did it. If she had been very understanding in the past, she was a hundred times more understanding that moment. She would be a thousand more, in the future...

And at least, there was something to remember...


"At least, it is something to keep in mind,
Something to look forward to when the mood
Is low, and hope seems futile and so far
Away! For there are moments in one's life
When deep the spirit sinks, much deeper yet
When in despair the heart is full of grief
For want of those it seeks beyond its reach.
At least it is something to keep in mind;
And will it ever be for sure? - and when?
Ah! there is where it all depends! For words
Prefaced to after-thoughts may be not more
Than compliments. But, oh! The doubts that shade
Our hoping are often the same that bind
To us the things we wish to keep in mind."

Alfonso Santos